Anhedonia- n. the loss of the capacity to experience pleasure.
This facet of depression has its treacherous way of making the sufferer attempt to un-numb the mind-- in its crippling zombie-like state-- by filling it with anything-- any-fucking-thing that the mind can absorb, even if it means meaningless junk.
It has been said that art is most beautiful when it is most truthful. This piece remains to be one of my top three personal favorites. Below, I'll explain why.
Technical-wise, it would have been so much better had I planned the shoot-- the lighting would have made the photo more aesthetically pleasing had I shot it daytime using natural light or spent time working on a DIY beauty dish (to this day, I have never gotten around to using any photography lighting equipment).
This was a spontaneous shoot, taken nighttime in my brother's room with no other ambient light than a small light bulb nearing its death.
I dragged my little sister to be my model and refused to put it off for the next day--- because when a person is in extreme anhedonia and by some stroke of almost-miracle they suddenly feel a desire to do something aside from sleeping, no matter how fleeting and short-lived--- they desperately grab that chance, like a thief in the night sneaking in right after the lights go out.
The concept hit me during one of those fleeting moments where Anhedonia seemed to have taken a quick nap. Something was screaming inside of me, like a cry for salvation from hell. I fought to give that cry an outlet-- and this piece is the result.
This piece remains to be one of my top three-- because this comes from the deepest of my core, devoid of any trace of affectations and of any outside influence or inspiration-- RAW, UNADULTERATED, EMOTIONAL, MENTALLY STRUGGLING but DOGGEDLY SOLDIERING ON.